Due to a chorus of coughing from the boys, this mama was up all night.  I began reading the news and quickly became discouraged as I read about the recent ISIS attacks and the atrocities that they are committing.  Its unthinkable and horrendous what is happening to these poor, innocent Christians there.  My heart was aching for them and the others in the world who are suffering at the hands of evil.  I did not like the way I was feeling.  I felt helpless.  How can I just sit back and watch these horrific things happen?  I decided to read something uplifting for a moment.  I went here and read through some of the messages given at General Conference last week.  This talk, "Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence" stood out to me.     I read late into the night and underlined parts that spoke to me.  As I finished, I felt more hopeful.  Then, I read in 3 Nep 8 -11 about the Savior's crucifixion and then his words to them.  This particular verse in 3 Nephi 10:6 stood out:  "I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart."  Such a tender choice of words and image. 

I have been wrestling with my testimony lately.  I have struggled with guilt of not being who I need to be, not living up to what I've been given.  This quote in the talk I read this morning really stood out to me:  "Whenever the adversary cannot persuade imperfect yet striving Saints such as you to abandon your belief in a personal and loving God, he employs a vicious campaign to put as much distance as possible between you and God. The adversary knows that faith in Christ—the kind of faith that produces a steady stream of tender mercies and even mighty miracles—goes hand in hand with a personal confidence that you are striving to choose the right. For that reason he will seek access to your heart to tell you lies—lies that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you, that the Atonement is beyond your reach, that there is no point in even trying, that everyone else is better than you, that you are unworthy, and a thousand variations of that same evil theme."

The imperfect yet striving stood out to me.  As long as I am striving, even though I stumble, if I will do as the Savior says in 3 Nep 10:6 and repent and return with full purpose of heart again and again and again....a thousand times if necessary, I will still be able to stand at the throne of God and feel confident.   There is always hope there.  The adversary would have you feel hopeless, but it is a lie.  THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. 

I prayed in the quiet, dark of the night that I could be forgiven.  I prayed and committed to keep striving to follow his will.  I felt his love this morning in the darkness.  It is undeniable that there is a God and a loving Savior.  I am so grateful for this knowledge and for the peace and joy it brings to my life.

I also prayed this morning that I could connect better with Thomas.  That I could understand his needs better and be more in tune with him.   This prayer was immediately answered this morning.  I was able to prioritize better today, to show T love in ways that he felt it.  I am so thankful for prayer.  It is powerful.  I am thankful for my Father in Heaven who immediately bestows blessings when asked in righteousness and when we are obeying his will.  The gospel is true.  I know it.  I want to live it even better and teach my children so they may have the same joy I have found in it.